In honor of it being my 12th Anniversary today, I have had the thought of marriage a lot on my mind the past few weeks.  How could it have already been 12 years and holy crap it has only been 12 years!  I have thought what do I want for my Anniversary, but more than that what do I want out of this marriage? Here are some of my thoughts:

1- I want him to be happy.  I want to always think first, what can I do for him or what can I do to make him more happy? I want to never be selfish, but put him first.  I do not understand a marriage where if the spouse spends a certain amount or goes on a guys night the wife quickly thinks she deserves to do the same.  If you truly love each other, you will both want to think of each other first and it will be equal.

2- I want us to pray together and pray for our marriage.  I want my husband to pray for me in his individual prayers.  That I will be strong enough to always fight temptation, that I will have a desire to always fight for our marriage, and that I will always keep my Heavenly Father as the head of our marriage.  I want to pray for him in my individual prayers that he will have a relationship with his Father in Heaven, that he will be a spiritual leader in our home, that he will be able to avoid any temptation that may come his way, that he will love his children, for his career, and that he will love me deeply.

3- I want a marriage where my children are never in fear that their parents will get divorced.  I want my children to see us in love, happy, and best of friends.  The best thing you can do for your children is to love your spouse.

4- I want to be able to say sorry and humble enough to mean it.  I want him to know it is sincere and that it is more important to me to fight with him than against him.

5- I want to always back him up in front of my kids. And if I believe how he handled a decision was not the correct way, I would want to tell him in the quiet hours by ourselves.  I want my children to never see that WE are not a team.  I do not want to correct him or degrade his parenting in the presence of my children.  Those topics need to be discussed after the matter.

6- I want to spend time alone with him.  I want him to see that I care enough to put forth the effort to get a babysitter or put my desires aside and spend our time together doing things we both enjoy and even things he enjoys that I do not.

7- I want him to know I am his companion and not his mother.  I want him to feel as though he can come to me for anything and we will work through anything together.  For him to know I won’t scold him, but work with him to get through anything.

8- I want to never have expectations.  If you have expectations they are guaranteed to not be met.  Do not expect your husband will do a certain thing or not.  He can not read your mind, you must communicate.  If you never expect something, your expectations will never not be hit and therefore you will never feel failed.

9- I want him to never doubt I love him whole heartedly.  I want him to never question if this marriage will last or if he is loved.  I want to make sure I am loving him the way he feels loved.  If you are not sure, read the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts together that way you are not showing love to your spouse the way you feel loved rather than the way he feels love.

I know if I am doing all of these things I have put 110% into this marriage; and that is all I can ask.  I want to put my all into my marriage and for it to last into the eternities.  This is all I want for my Anniversary.  I do not want a ring, clothes, or any material item but to be happy and secure in my marriage.

Xoxo Shea

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