To My Angel Baby,

I LOVE you with every fiber of my being.  You have not had an easy life so far.  You have had to struggle and fight to make it in this life.  You are STRONG, a fighter, easy going, calm, and so much more.  After the first 3 weeks of you being in my life, I fell hard in love with you.  You have changed my life in more ways than I can count.  You are shaping me into the person Heavenly Father wanted me to be.  He has been planning my life just how He wanted for you to come into my care.  Your life in my home was not just by coincidence.  I have seen Heavenly Father’s tender mercies and His step by step plan to get you here.  He loves you and wants you to know that you are wanted.  Wanted by me, by your daddy, and by your sisters.

I want to tell you how it all began.  I was not able to have another child after Shelbee.  I KNOW for a fact that if Shelbee would have been a boy, you would not have been in my life.  That is the first way Heavenly Father was shaping our lives to meet.  After a couple of years I desperately wanted another baby and felt like there was another child out there for me.  We tried a few options for adoption and those just did not feel right or work out.  Another one of those tender mercies of our Lord.  I decided to ask Dad if he would like to try the foster care route.  I think he was a little nervous but he is an amazing man and lets me always go with my feeling.  We went to the first meeting in October and they wanted us to start the classes for foster care in November.  Well right after the meeting I had been asked by the Bishop of our ward to plan and be in charge of the ward Christmas party and to also play 7 songs on the piano for the Christmas Sacrament Meeting.  This is another part of His plan.  I decided to ignore the emails to sign up for the classes because my life was too chaotic.  Department of Family Services got a hold of me again in January and asked if I was ready?  I said yes lets start in March.  We had first debated on taking the Saturday classes because I felt bad leaving the girls on Family Home Evening night, which is Monday.  We had a wonderful class with people that I still stay in contact with.  After subbing in the Saturday class I then realized how switching to Monday’s was such inspiration.

Daddy was having second thoughts throughout the classes and one day I was driving home and had a rush of the Holy Ghost that bore witness to me to continue and you are doing the right thing.  So I told Dad and he understood and continued.  After the classes were completed we bought a home, but were unable to move in for a few months which prolonged the licensing.  Finally on December 30th we got the call that we were licensed and now just to start waiting for calls.

Dad’s cousins Tiffany and Patrick were getting baptized on January 10 but because of stake conference that weekend had to change the date to January 3.  Which meant we left for California on January1-4.  On January 1 we got our first call.  I asked the caseworker if I could talk to my husband and call her back.  Dad agreed that we could take this baby.  I called the caseworker back about 5 hours later.  It was too late, they had already found another family.  You were born on January 3 the day of the baptism.  There Heavenly Father was with us because I really thought that first baby sounded right.  BUT I had also fasted and prayed that Heavenly Father would allow the spirit to be with me to know for a fact that the right baby was to be in our home.

We had a few calls in between January 1-11 and none of them gave me that strong feeling that it was the ‘right’ baby.  On January 12, Shelbee’s birthday around 10am, I was getting ready for the party and the phone rang.  I answered and it was a call for a baby who was 9 days old in the hospitall.  I didn’t even ask if I could speak with my husband, I said YES we will be at the hospital after the party.  I knew this was the right baby.

I was so so nervous to see you.  I hadn’t been that nervous in a long time.  BUT when I laid my eyes on you I fell hard in love.  I KNEW I was taking you home.  You were an angel.  You never cried.  Your sisters were head over heels for you.  You made our family so happy, you were the center of our lives.  The girls fought over who got to hold you.  You were PRICELESS.  You made foster care the easiest decision ever.

On Wednesday January 28, 2015 we rushed you to the ER.  You started wheezing and coughing the night before.  I was so nervous and I am not a worrier.   I asked Dad to rush you to the ER.  The Dr.s were pretty sure you had RSV.  They treated you for that for the next 2 days.  I left one night and Dad was staying the night.  During the night everything turned bad.  You started seizing, your oxygen went down to death lows, and you stopped breathing.  They had to quickly intubate.  Dad kept this all from me until the next morning I found out.  I was scared to death.  I rushed the girls to neighbor’s houses and left for the hospital.  You looked awful and had so many wires and tubes all over your little body.  They had to paralyze your little body.  They had tested you for everything in the book and thought you had maybe gone septic.  I was a mess.  I loved you and couldn’t imagine losing you already.   The days waiting for test results were long and tiring.  We prayed and fasted a lot.  They took EEG’s, MRI’s, pokes, breathing treatments, blood transfusions, and more.  Each day we would see miracles.   They decided you had pneumonia.  Once they got that under control… your lung then collapsed. They were going to do surgery the next morning.  I fell on my knees that night before and cried to our Heavenly Father to help you.  Personally, I have never submitted myself to him like I did that night.  Your Heavenly Father miraculously fixed your lung and the doctors were shocked.  You had become another little miracle baby.

You have changed me and so many people around me.  You showed us miracles after miracles.  You brought me and our family closer to our Father in Heaven.  You showed me a different way to love.  How to love someone who is not your flesh and blood.  You were always mine.  I just couldn’t wait for the State to see it that way.

A year ago today I couldn’t wait for that long awaited adoption day.  What a joy that day was.  It meant I could sleep peacefully again.  Never have to deal with those occasional sick to my stomach thoughts of them taking you away.   The How could I ever lose you thoughts?  But then your sister was born 4 months later and all that has returned.

You know exactly what to do with each ball.  You can hit and throw a baseball like a 5 year old.  You have a belly laugh like no other.  You can put on a dance party and be the center of it all night.  You can work up a sweat to where your hair is drenched.  You will do anything dare devilish.  Those baby blues make people swoon.  You turn heads on the daily.  You are a beautiful little toe head.

You are all boy… MY boy!  You make our lives FUN, exciting, dirty, and are the center of our family.  I can’t get enough of you.  Your sisters want to be with you constantly.  Your father thinks you can do everything he can do.  He is your best friend.  You are my world.  You make everyday a better day.  You are a breath of fresh air.  I love you my son with every fiber of my being.  Thank you for choosing me to be your mother.  Thank you for bringing new meaning of love and miracles into my home.  Thank you for being the perfect son.

Happy 2nd birthday!



To read more of my story and learn more about foster care, go HERE.