My name is Rebekah. I am mama, wifey, photographer, and basically obsessed with my kiddos. I started sharing about our lives on my little instagram about a year ago and for some reason, people follow me, HAHA!
We have three kids by birth, and one by adoption. We had Georgia and Griffin biologically and when it came time for baby three, we felt lead to adoption. We chose domestic infant adoption, and were quickly matched with our daughter, Goldie’s birth mom a few weeks later. Goldie was born April 2017, 10 weeks early. We were there when she was just a few hours old. We met her birth mom and formed a great relationship that lead to a beautiful open adoption with her. We stayed six, long weeks in the NICU and came home around June. When we got home from the NICU, we found out TWO weeks later that I was unexpectedly pregnant. We had our third baby girl, Gwyneth in February. Which makes my girls, Irish twins at just NINE months apart. But I am here to share with you about our adoption journey. I love adoption. I love bringing hope to families in waiting. Every story is different, unique and so beautiful in its own special way.
We became home study ready on January 15, 2017. We submitted our paperwork and waited to become “active” with Faithful Adoption Consultants. We got the news that on February 22 we were active and could start presenting our profile to expecting moms. We submitted our profile book 8-10 times… we heard a few “no’s” and I don’t think anyone prepares you for that. I’ll never forget writing each expectant moms name down in my prayer journal. I’d call their name out before Jesus and pray for peace and guidance in their decisions. On March 1st we got news that we were in an expectant moms top 2 and she wanted to talk to us on the phone that Friday (March 3). So, of course on that Friday I paced all morning and ended up packing the kids up and taking them to the museum because I couldn’t let my mind get the best of me. Friday afternoon rolls around and not a word… I start to get worried. I texted our consultant and said, okay… it’s 6 pm and no word, do you think she talked to the other family and chose them? Our consultant was wonderful and said she would contact her social worker and let us know. We waited for what felt like forever (45 mins). Sam ended up jumping in the shower. My phone rang and I was sure she was calling to “let me down gently.” Jessica – our consultant said, “okay, she isn’t ready to talk just yet. But she wants to know something.” I said, “okay, what’s that?” And Jessica replied with, “she wants to know if you guys know that her baby girl is African American?” I kind of just sat there puzzled. It never occurred to us that adoption outside of our race would be a stipulation. I said, “well yeah! And we are more than ok with that.” She said, “well, if you guys are OK with that… she has chosen you to be her parents!” I screamed… mind you, Sam was in the shower! I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know what to say or what to ask. I think the first thing I was wanting to know was, will she ever want to talk to us?! I wanted so badly to have an open relationship and adoption. But for now, I couldn’t wrap my mind around anything other than relishing in that moment. I thanked Jess, hung up and ran to the bathroom to SCREAM the news to Sam. Talk about shock!! We were both so so excited. We knew she was due around early June but we also knew there was a good chance she’d have an early baby. Of course we called all of our family members and I think everyone was just as shocked as us… after all, we were active for only EIGHT days. Yes, you heard that right! EIGHT days.
Over the next few weeks we cautiously navigated through a relationship with Goldie’s first mom. She still hadn’t opened up much and that was hard for me. I wanted to know this woman that was trusting us with her child. I wanted to love on her, talk with her, be there for any type of support she needed. Apparently she got sick of me asking about how she was through her social worker and she texted me! I think I squealed like a little girl on Christmas when she texted me first. We chatted about her pregnancy and family life. We hit it off and I was so thankful God opened that door of communication because, we didn’t have much time. A few days later and I get a text from her saying, “just a heads up, I feel like something could be happening!” That was on a Friday night and by Sunday morning (Easter Sunday) I had gotten a text that she was in full blown labor.
We jumped on a plane and went to be with her… guys, that ride to the hospital had me feeling all kinds of feels. I was so sick. What if she met us and didn’t like us? What if, what if, what if?! I shook off the nerves and walked in to meet our baby mama… she was AMAZING. We hit it off and she talked with us through contractions. I’ll always remember the conversations we had. Laughing, loving, and sincerely getting to know one another. During this time we decided on a name with Goldie’s first mom. We had a list of about 3-4 names we liked… only one being a “G” name. When we talked to mama K about names, she LOVED Goldie and we thought it was meant to be since she didn’t realize our other kids were G names. We wanted mama K to pick out her middle name and she chose, Nichole. So, it was decided… our sweet, Goldie Nichole Mae.
We waited around a few hours when it had been declared that her labor had stalled. We were by no means disappointed. After all, she was 31 weeks. We hung around for a few days and ended up flying back home on Wednesday when she was discharged.
Thursday, April 20th was Georgia’s 4th birthday so we were super excited to surprise her that next morning and spent the day spoiling her. We threw together a family party and enjoyed the afternoon with our big four year old.
We went to bed thinking of all the things that needed to happen before baby came… well, that list would never happen. I got a text from mama “k” at 5:01 AM on April 21st… “She’s here”
I whipped the covers back and woke up Sam… “SHE IS HERE!!!” We didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to bug mama K too much. She had just given birth and it was only 4 am there. I didn’t want to wake our social worker but I wanted to be there for mama K if that’s what she wanted. I sent a text to her saying, “yay!!! How is everyone? Are you feeling okay? Do you want us to come out?” I didn’t want to put her in an uncomfortable position, this was still her baby but we absolutely wanted to support her in any way possible. She said, “of course, come!”
The first picture I ever got of Goldie. Born April 21st at 3:45 AM weighing 3 pounds 3 ounces and breathing on her own at 32 weeks gestation. Born just one day after her big sisters birthday. Georgia & Griffin were both born in April, I guess our newest G decided she had to be born in April as well!
So… out of faith, we booked another plane ticket and we were back in Salt Lake City that night. We walked straight back to the OB floor and talked with mama K. She told us the whole birth story and man… it’s a doozy!!
This is the part of adoption that’s sticky.
I wish I could tell you every last detail… but it’s not my story to tell. One day, when Goldie is old enough, I’ll tell her, her own birth story. I’ll call up mama K and she can share all the details about the amazing events leading up to her birth. I wish I could tell you all the awesome things that make mama K so special, but that’s not my place to share. It’s Goldie’s story, it’s private, and sacred. I’d never want to jeopardize how special it is to her and mama K.
Mama K told us the story and then said, “have you seen her?!” We said no, we wanted to come love on you first. She was amazing and hopped out of bed like she hadn’t just given birth. She walked us to the NICU and we spent hours gawking at this beauty. I loved her from the moment I saw her. I didn’t know how that would happen, the bond. But it was instant. I jumped in feet first when I told myself I’d guard my heart… but I couldn’t. I loved her from the moment I saw her. I’ll never forget the warm feeling that rushed from my head to my toes when my hand laid on her head. I knew she was special.
In Utah, termination of parental rights can happen 24 hours after birth… mama K never wavered in her decision and we admire her so much for being so strong through this all. I can’t imagine the emotions she felt signing those papers. We waited all morning and we finally got the text around 1 pm… “she signed, Goldie can officially be yours!”
I cried. It was so emotional for me. I prayed and prayed and wrote on Facebook that night…
“I’ve cried more times today then I’d like to admit. My heart is somehow shattered into a million pieces but beaming with so much love. I am so sad. I’m sad for my sweet girls birth momma. Watching her say, see ya later was dang near the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. She hugged my neck and said, “I’m passing you the baton” I cried… and cried. Guys, I hear it so often, that “this baby was made for me.” When I saw this precious woman kissing her baby goodbye, it was in that moment that I realized how untrue that statement is. God gave this precious baby to her, she is first best. She is Goldie’s first mom and will forever be. I truly believe the moment she gave her to us, He made me her momma. I’ll grow and learn and turn into her best mom. But she will forever have a first mom and I’m so blessed to be here for the baton she so beautifully handed to me.”
It was tough. I’m still navigating through these feelings and everyday brings healing but at the root of adoption will always be a loss. We gained… SO much and mama K lost her baby, Goldie lost her first mom. It’s not easy guys. We pray and educate ourselves on how to heal as a family and that’s all we can do. Love her so big and heal.
Goldie is 18 months old now. She is growing by leaps and bounds, and her precious story is not lost on me. We are navigating and learning to be a transracial family. We are always, always, always, open to growing more and thanking God for trusting us with her.