In some ways those two and a half months since hearing that my adopted son’s birth mom was pregnant again flew by and in some ways dragged on like you wouldn’t believe.  I had contacted some adoption agencies to pick their brains on how the legalities go with adoption.  With an agency the birth mother must meet with an adoption agency twice before the baby is born….I knew that would not happen in our circumstance.  So I had NO idea how this would all pan out or even how I REALLY wanted it to.  When I thought about having 5 children and two 18 months apart I wasn’t really up for the whole idea but the idea of us NOT taking her wasn’t an option in my mind either.  My husband and I made the mistake of trying to plan out our lives as to how it would look with 5 kids.  It was a mistake to do so… usually couples will try and decide together that they will have another child.  Even if there’s an ‘OOPS, WE BE PREGNANT’… you will have a full 9 months to plan and get things in order.  This was impossible to do with less than 3 months of preparation AND that we were not in control.

So many things had to happen for this child to either end up in the hands of Department of Family Services so we could foster her OR the birth mother would have to take some big and necessary steps to put her up for adoption and allow us to adopt her.  As a family, we finally made the decision that it was in our Heavenly Father’s Hands and we had to trust that He had a specific plan for this baby girl and for us.

July 13 around 6:30 pm will be chalked-up as one of those moments in life that will never be forgotten.  I was sitting outside at Panera working with Ashton.  I was completely consumed in how to make this blog inspire others when my phone rang, I glanced at who was calling and it read ELLEN, Heath’s biological sister (name changed for privacy reasons).

My stomach dropped and I am pretty positive my face was as white as a ghost.  Ellen was crying on the other end of the line and got out ‘my mom is in an ambulance headed to the hospital in labor.’   That call would change my life forever.   WOW you have no idea the nerves that soared through my body.  I was in complete shock.  I couldn’t think straight I didn’t know how my life would be tomorrow.  I just did not know.

The bio sister later sent me a text around 8:30pm telling me baby girl was born at 8:12pm and weighed 6lbs 11oz.  I still had no idea what all this meant to me.

I asked if her mother was wanting me to take this baby?  She said, ‘yes and would like you to come tomorrow morning to meet her.’  WOAH!  Let’s just say that I didn’t get much sleep that night.  My mind was so consumed with every pro and every con again.  I still didn’t know what to do!!!

The next morning Scott and I headed to the hospital.  We were both sick to our stomachs.  It is such a crazy feeling to be driving to the hospital to ‘pick up your baby.’  Imagine shopping for a new puppy but… actually its nothing like the same as that…

She was absolutely nothing I had envisioned for her to look like….she was better.  She is a complete opposite of Heath but has his nose and mouth.  As soon as I held her and kissed her, I knew that she needed to be part of our family.  Yet my nerves were still getting to me.  Will this baby girl be different than my other girls?  I believe that NURTURE is stronger than NATURE, yet I feared what NATURE had in store for her life.

Our Heavenly Father knows us better than anyone.  As I stood in the NICU over our new baby girl and spoke to the NICU nurse about her health and what to expect.  The nurse decided to share with me that she had a very similar past as this baby girl.  She came from a family where her mother and father weren’t able to take care of her and her siblings.  They ended up in foster care and eventually she moved to Las Vegas to live with her aunt.  She shared how grateful she was to be able to leave that negative atmosphere and to be able to live with a family that loved her.  THIS was exactly what I needed to hear and to see that she was living a successful life as a nurse and happily married.

We spent the next two days getting to know the birth mom and holding this sweet baby while everything was processed and being monitored in the hospital.  I did not get the opportunity to get to know her with Heath and am so glad that I was able to spend time with her, console her, and try to provide some supporting words to her.  She was heart broken to know that her bad choices has led to her this point again.  I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and try to ‘save‘ her as well. Two days later this little angel was released from the NICU for us to take home and to hopefully remain as a member of our forever family.

I had many comments from others such as, Why in the world does this lady not get her tubes tied? or How can she keep bringing these children into the world when she can’t take care of them?  Even though I initially thought the same things, it was very hard to hear them.  From an adoptive mothers point of view these comments can feel harsh.  In my eyes she is bearing the children I was supposed to raise.  I believe Heavenly Father has to send His children down some way or another and if I am unable she will be my way.

That week was a complete whirlwind.  I had experienced every emotion there was to experience.  But after all the tears of fear, insecurities, newness, and so much more I put on my big girl pants and decided I only have one option to love this amazingly blessed life I have been given and to stop fearing for He will make up for my shortcomings.  He will carry me when I need Him most.  I can do HARD things.

We ended up having to foster her.  So if everything goes smoothly (HAHA) the adoption of Charlee Ann (our current ‘nickname’ for her) should finalize within a year.  Due to rules from the Department of Family Services, I unfortunately can’t share pictures that show Charlee’s face.  So as soon as the adoption is finalized, I can’t wait to show the world how beautiful my little bronzed baby is!!!

Dying to know where are journey is now….Read HERE.

To read more on my fostering and adoption stories READ HERE

5 freaking kids